wait, I really thought I'd be totally fine being back to Missy J's loner's life again. After being on my own for nearly 10 yrs, I thought the last thing I'd need is "someone else" to share my loner's space.

I mean, gee this is what I had been longing for all this time, coming home to have a ciggie and a glass of wine (or something. whatever.) you know, living back to the life I had before. I used to put on my Coltrane and Stacy Kent (nothing that my sister liked. i used to make fun of her music taste), Dyptique candles (L'Artisan Parfumeur at least), and lay those expensive cheeses in a beautiful expensive plates. I'd walk around my little European flat on my own, writing poems about random cities that my 101 fragrances reminded me of. I'd sit next to the fireplace and paint on hot pressed paper.

I'd do anything. Anything on my own.

But you know things change, when there's someone else to share YOUR life with you, and make it a family life. The kind of life that you are naturally obligated to live, it gets kind of addictive. And I got used to that.

After 33 yrs, this is the first time I can tell ya all here, I got used to a family.

I was so senseless before that, I was a traveling soul, always looking for meanings else where. Until one day she finds her meanings in her own.

I'm trying to find evidence to back up this thinking. Maybe I've been writing too many consumer insights lately. I can't seem to convince myself of this mentality until i find something concrete to back myself up.

It's so funny that just as I'm writing this on blogspot, Missy A just wrote on Facebook "i'm gonna cry". She's speaking exactly what I had in mind.