Had finally just finished Augusten Burrough's "Sellevision," and it makes me fear of becoming a TV shopping network host.
In fact, this idea had come up in random chats among friends and colleagues numerous times.
No kidding. Numerous times.
Is it because I'm quite pursuasive, or is it like what Richard said last night "Joyce turns deadly to lively. virtually anything, everything she talks about." Whatever, the two are actually the same anyway...
I had seen videos of myself conducting trainings, giving speeches, or hosting press conferences. If you turn the sound off, and give fake captions on the bottom, and a toll-free number next to it. Oh don't forget a HSN logo on the upper right corner of the screen. There, I could be selling Holy Wine Goblets for Thanksgiving, Set of 3 Pearl Necklaces, Movie Quotes Mug Set, Oriental Luck Jade Pendant....
I could be selling you anything you can imagine. And I can.
Have you gone shopping with me? Oh if you have, you'd know. I hardly buy alot, I am quite picky with my purchases. But I am hell of a someone to encourage. The day usually ends with the friend holding 3, 5 shopping bags, while I hold none.
I can make an ordinary roll of TP into the softest, gentlest, most durable, and most elegant (how? don't ask me) roll of TP you have ever laid your hands on, in your entire life.
"Your ass feels loved. " - me
"What?" - friend
"Don't you want your ass to feel loved? If you are up at 2am to pee, your ass doesn't deserve to be tortured." - me
"The one I use now is just fine..." - friend
"Look at how each piece fluffs happily at you, imagine using feather on your ass..." - me
This would be a quite common dialogue between us.
Anyways, so I finished reading Sellevision, by Augusten Burroughs, one of my most favorite American writers, this sudden fear hit me: what if I don't find anything, and end up selling shits on national TV? One month ago I was selling Dior lipstick to you, next you will see me selling a Gay Earl Grey Tea Set (comes with Gay pot and cups, and Gay tea bags)
If that does happen one day, and you do spot me on TV try to sell your mom "C.C.C. Wok Set - Chef Chen's Choice Woks" help her pick up the phone and dial that toll free number now...because stock is limited, and we are running from 1000 sets, to 967, to 811 now...
4 comments:
you will end up having your own shopping show then...like 1-800-msjoyce...haha...remember I bought my skin care because of you.
haha yes very true. your first Clarins set. makes a difference i tell ya!
ah, here you go. I ended up buying the facial mask you told me about. I tell ya, it works like a magic (like you said - your sales talk). I don't look like I emptied two bottles of wine last night.
good skincare works wonder...(not just sales talk!)
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