what you get in return

i often time feel that there are paybacks in friendships, both in entering and maintaining.
paybacks are those in the likes of abandonment, betrayal, disappointment...and so on. When I was as young as 10, I once said to my sister, "I like to dislike everyone a little bit, therefore feel less disappointed while the time of betrayal arrives."

Not that recently I have been betrayed or anything. Don't get me wrong.

I guess I just don't like to put my hopes up too high. I ain't no optimist.